


Five times Orlando told Elijah to fuck off

by kiath



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-11
Updated: 2007-10-11
Packaged: 2017-10-31 18:41:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiath/pseuds/kiath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Orlando tells Elijah to fuck off. Five times. Prompt suggested by violettefemme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five times Orlando told Elijah to fuck off

**Author's Note:**

  * For [violettefemme](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=violettefemme).



"Jeez, Orlando, stop being such a _minge_."

Billy's drink sprayed from his mouth. Dom howled with laughter. Orlando's jaw dropped open. 

"What the fuck did you just call me, Elijah?"

Elijah opened his mouth to reply, clearly unsure of himself all of a sudden. "A, er. A minge."

Billy choked on his laughter, pushing Dom away when Dom fell into him, shaking with his own amusement. Orlando shut his mouth and turned his attention to them, narrowing his eyes. "Have you two been teaching Elijah insults again?"

Dom was the first to regain his composure enough to reply. "Us? No! Why would you think that?"

"Absolutely not," Billy agreed. 

"Liars!" Elijah said, eyes widening. "You totally told me to say that!" When Billy and Dom started giggling again, he looked to Orlando and frowned. "What does it mean? Doesn't it mean 'whiner' where you come from?"

"No, Lij, it doesn't. For God's sake, don't trust anything these two tell you." Orlando huffed out a laugh and reached across the table to flick Dom on the cheek. "Minge. You two are disgusting."

Once Dom had stopped sniggering and Elijah had stopped sulking, Billy took the opportunity to get a round in. Elijah followed him to the bar and poked him in the side. 

"Cunt. Why'd you do that?" He looked so genuinely upset that Billy couldn't help but feel a little bad. "What does it mean?"

"Cunt."

Elijah scowled. "No, _you're_ the cunt. Just tell me what it means!"

"I told you what it means. Look, forget it," Billy said. "I'm sorry, it was mean of us to wind you up like that. You can't help being foreign. Here." He handed Elijah two drinks. "Take one of these to Orlando and tell him they were all out of boaby at the bar, but if he wants some so badly, he can have Dom's."

Elijah repeated it back, nice and slowly, just to make sure he got the message right. Billy leant on the bar top and waited, watching Elijah deliver his message.

"Elijah?" Orlando said, loud and clear. "Fuck off."

*

"Do you think he likes me? I can't tell."

Orlando scrubbed at his face with both hands and swallowed a growl of frustration. "For the billionth time: I. Don't. Know."

"Okay, okay, I get it," Elijah said, sighing a little. "I just wish I knew if he’s flirting like he does with everyone, or, like, if he, like, _likes_ me."

Orlando stared at Elijah, who in turned stared at Dom. Across the room, Dom seemed to be rather interested in what a pretty, blonde, female extra was saying to him, and was absolutely in no way returning Elijah's lustful gaze. _Look at me like that_ , Orlando willed, hoping Elijah was just a little telepathic. _Come on, look at me._

Elijah sighed and glanced back at Orlando. Orlando's heart leapt in surprise and unexpected happiness. 

"Hey, Orli?"

"Yeah?"

"If he did like me, you'd tell me, right?"

Orlando grit his teeth and balled his fists. "Fuck off, Elijah."

*

Orlando held the phone away from his ear as another peal of ridiculous laughter crackled across the line. "Christ, Lij, try and contain yourself."

"Sorry, sorry," Elijah choked, getting a hold of his amusement. "I can't help it. You never told me you were naked in this one."

"Only a bit."

"You're all... bronzed."

Orlando held his breath a little. "I know."

"You look so dumb. Anyway, I'm gonna go watch the rest of it. I'll call you after." Elijah hung up without saying another word.

Some time later, Orlando's phone vibrated in his back pocket. He pulled it out and clicked to open the text message Elijah had just sent him. 

_Paris is a bit of a pussy, isn't he?_

Orlando scowled and typed his reply. 

_Fuck off, Frodo._

*

"So, like, I reckon we should _totally_ just stay friends, right? I mean, we work so well as friends, why ruin it with sex and stuff?"

Elijah couldn't get dressed fast enough. On his mental scoreboard of the dumbest things he'd ever done, sleeping with Orlando rated pretty high. Time to leave. The walk of shame had never been so appealing. 

"Really, don't feel bad. It's not like I don't find you attractive; I do." Elijah pulled his t-shirt over his head and looked at Orlando, still sprawled in bed and hugging a pillow to his chest. Elijah felt a wash of compassion overwhelm his need to run, and he crossed the room to stand awkwardly beside Orlando. 

"It's not _you_ , Orli," he reassured. "It's _me_."

Orlando looked up at him with a disgusted expression. "For fuck's sake, just fuck off."

*

"Ah!" Orlando gasped as a pair of lips wrapped around his dick, fingers curling around the base and squeezing hard. "Oh, oh Jesus Christ."

Orlando's phone rang. With his arse wedged against the wall and the phone in Orlando's back pocket, the ensuing mobile phone sandwich sent vibrations all the way through his lower half. He shuddered once, twice. 

"Are you going to answer that?"

"Mmm, in- a- minute!" Orlando gasped out. He eased himself a little from the wall and pulled the phone out. Elijah's name flashed on the screen. "Li-hi-jaah," Orlando groaned, answering the call. "What, fuck, what do you want?"

"What are you doing?"

"None of your business," Orlando replied. "What is it?"

"Come over. You're still in LA, right? I wanna fuck," Elijah said matter-of-factly. "Come over, let's fuck."

Orlando's knees buckled as he came, and he barely managed to stay standing. As soon as he could, he dropped down to the carpet. 

"Orlando? Are you-- are you jerking off? Because I can do phone sex. Wait, let me get my--"

"Elijah?" Orlando said. "Fuck off, mate."

Hanging up the call and flinging his phone across the room, Orlando grinned sloppily. "That was good. That was really fucking good."

Billy returned his smile. "Aye, well, I plenty of time to practise until your boaby finally became available."

Orlando laughed. "Cunt."


End file.
